The twins were up early, it was their birthday and their father had a special gift for them. Pyjamas still on, hand in hand their father led them to the garage with the big green door and padlock. “Phew dad what’s that smell?” asked Edward as his father unlocked the padlock and opened the door.
“Yuk, that’s awful” said Edward, and then asked his father where his birthday present was whilst looking at what appeared to be a garage full of sh*t. His father replied, “What do you think it is son?” “It’s nothing but horse sh*t” was the reply that came through a well of tears. “And what do you think of your birthday present?”, he asked Grant the other twin who by this stage was exuding with excitement. “That’s so cool dad, with all that sh*t I know there’s gotta be a horse in there somewhere.”
And so our lives go according to how we “frame” situations, events and our experience. The way in which we represent, remember and communicate situations, events and experiences with ourselves has a direct impact on our happiness, success and level of resilience.
How many people do you know who find it all too easy to see the sh*it in life and the world and how many are on the horse enjoying the ride?
Reframing is a term that refers to a process of examining your representation of an experience or situation (often based in the past and negative) and your subsequent thoughts, emotions or behaviour in relationship to it. Reframing can enable you to create a more positive or resourceful representation of the experience and help to effectively transform a pattern in thinking, behaviour and emotion . It can be literal or metaphorical as the story above so eloquently demonstrates.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes most of which never happened. – Michel de Montaigne, French Philosopher
Ever looked at that favourite painting with the outdated frame and wondered how it would look with a new frame? A frame made from different materials and with a different color.
I’ve revamped many an artwork over the years through reframing; breathed new life into it, transformed the look of a room and even helped to enhance a more positive mood.
John Grinder and Richard Bandler, founders of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) are renowned for their reframing patterns. These complex and transformative processes are facilitated by an NLP professional and belong in the domain of a coaching session.
There’s also some relatively simple and cracking good reframes you can do in your everyday life to enhance your happiness and success.
5 Easy Reframes
Difficulties into opportunities
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. – Winston Churchill
Can you imagine how you could transform a current difficulty into an opportunity?
- Having difficulties with technology? Could you see it as an opportunity to learn something new and get more tech savvy or learn more about outsourcing and outsource your tech stuff?
- Experiencing difficulty convincing your partner to go to Mongolia for your next holiday? What a great opportunity to practice your communication and negotiation skills.
A disability as an ability
Last year I had the privilege of meeting an inspiring, high achieving and somewhat cheeky young man who is wheelchair bound. Early on in our conversation I asked him with respect (and ignorance), “What is the politically correct term to refer to someone with a disability?”
He replied, “Oh I don’t have a disability, I have unique abilities.” He then went on to tell me that he was so full of ideas and beans that he needed to be in the wheelchair to keep him grounded.
I was in awe of him as he certainly had a unique ability to reframe his circumstances and situation so magnificently.
Don’t like something about your physicality? I know someone who is height challenged (considerably short) and quite little in every way.
- They have embraced the advantage of their size as having to buy children’s shoes comes without the added cost of GST (Goods and services tax).
- Feeling too short? How comfy is it for you on a long haul fight in economy?
Hurt into learning
When you think that someone has hurt you look a little closer at the situation, there is most likely a valuable teaching in amongst the hurt.
- Take a lesson from the teachings of Shantideva, an 8th-century Indian Buddhist monk and scholar:
When someone whom I have benefited
Hurts me unexpectedly and very badly
May I regard him as my very best teacher
(source: “Turning Suffering and Happiness in to Enlightenment.” From teachings on a retreat with Sogyal Rinpoche)
- Done someone a favour or been a do-gooder and didn’t get a thanks or kudos? Can you look at your motivation and intention to see what the real driver was in the first place.
Rejection as a blessing in disguise
Ever wanted something or someone so intensely that when you were rejected you literally felt ill and or went into a deep slump?
Look back through the years and see if any of those rejections were “A blessing in disguise.”
You didn’t get the job or promotion, your spouse/partner rejected you and you got divorced or your friends didn’t invite you to their party.
- Be thankful as that job you could have had the boss from hell and creepy looks from a colleague at the photocopying machine
- How about the divorce or breakup that led you to the love of your life?
- What about the new friend you met at a yoga class the same time of your friend’s party who introduced you to your new boss or partner?
When you hold onto rejection and allow it to ruin your day or a part of your life, you can be holding onto suffering and limiting your opportunities.
Problems into “temporary challenges
Who wants a life of problems or a life-long problem?
Thinking of your problems as “temporary challenges” can give you a feeling of relief that they won’t be around for long and a having a “challenge” can create a different neurological response than a problem. You’ll get a shift in perception and set the Reticular Activating System in your brain on a course to instruct your unconscious mind to find a myriad of solutions for you.
- Financial problems could be an opportunity to learn a new skill or tap into your inner entrepreneur and start a new business
- A Health problem could be an opportunity to take stock of your life and pantry, learn more about nutrition and meet new people at an exercise class?
Reframing can impact positively on your mindset, open up new opportunities, enhance your happiness, success and your ability to enjoy this amazing ride we call life.
Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn. – Dr John Maxwell
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